just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
