So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
