He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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