Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
