Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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