We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
