Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
