Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
