I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
