What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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