Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
