I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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