My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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