She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
