so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
