hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
