I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
