dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
