Tell her she can't have a vagina
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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