id be glad to
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
