i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
