I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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