then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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