This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
