Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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