Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
