ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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