Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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