YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
