you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Just pee around me
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
