im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
