I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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