And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
