I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
