i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
