oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
