Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
As shirtless as possible
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
