this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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