Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
