Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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