I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
All I want is dick and wine.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
