you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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