So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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