I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
