I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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