Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
