Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
