My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
