I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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