last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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