so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Couch. On fire.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
