we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
