dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
