your room smells of hookers.
And success
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
